Let's be honest, ministry creates almost unlimited opportunities to be angry because we're in the people business. Plus, as one pastor, Scott Williams, wrote as to why he left the ministry.
people assume ministers are available for their criticism 24/7. people say things to clergy they would not say to their worst enemies. for some reason they feel at liberty to delve into every aspect of clergy life. they have an opinion about everything we do. they believe it is their god-given right to critique your personal life, your professional life, your emotional state, the way you dress, your use of colloquialisms, your kids, your personality, how much you spend on a car, your friendships, how you drive, etc.
You can read the whole blog and responses at [link] It's worth a read!
Yet, despite all of the opportunities to be angry or frustrated, that is not the kind of life we're called to (nor the kind of life most of us what to live). God, through His Word, was rather clear about this—that the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. So, how do we avoid this tendency to become angry and bitter people?
Well, besides the obvious answers (like choosing forgiveness and walking in the power of the Holy Spirit and keeping short accounts—all of which should not be overlooked), one of the lessons I learned early on in the life of our church plant, that has helped me stay emotionally healthy over the years, has been Larry Crabb's distinctions between goals and desires. In a reductionistic way, he would say that the difference between a goal and a desire is that a goal can only be something over which we have complete control, everything else is simply a desire. Furthermore, he would say that the reason why we experience so much anger is because we keep making desires goals—and whenever a goal gets blocked, we get angry.
For example. People liking a message. Goal or desire? Desire. Why? Because you don't have complete control over people's responses. Someone you're discipling following through on an assignment. Goal or desire? Desire. Why? Because you don't have complete control over your disciple's life. Your church growing. Goal or desire? Desire. Because you don't have complete control over the growth of your church. People showing up on a Sunday? Desire. Money coming in? Desire. People not leaving the church? Desire. Being able to hire a staff person by a certain date? Desire. People appreciating all that you do? Desire. People trusting your motives? Desire. People signing up for an event or class you're sponsoring? Desire. People following through on their part of a ministry assignment? Desire. People not gossiping? Desire. People liking you? Desire. People following your leadership? Desire.
It's a pretty impressive list isn't it? Ministry is fraught with opportunities for us to turn desires into goals (and with that, the propensity to be angry). But, that's a terrible way to live. The better way is to keep desires, desires (and hold them loosely in our hands). While, at the same time, keeping our goals, goals. What that means is that you and I should only hold tightly to what we can hold tightly to (that over which we have complete control). So let me explain with a recent example.
Last week, we found out that the land contract (on 105 acres of land) that we've had for 18 months will not be extended by the owners. Our county is in the middle of a debate about churches in rural zones and we got caught in the middle of a political debate. We applied for a water and sewer category change 16 months ago and still don't have an answer yet (even though it is a no brain-er because our lines would be right next to the lines the County approved for a Catholic church not long before we applied). So, we can't go to settlement (this April 28th) until we can get approval for what we want to do (or we might end up suffering a multi-million dollar loss). With that background, you'll understand where I'm taking you.
Yesterday, I was talking with another community leader and when I told him about this situation (and clearly there are some County officials who have killed this deal for us), he said, "You must be outraged and angry." To which I said, "Not really. I'm doing quite fine." He had that, you're not for real look and said, "Who are you kidding?" "I'm not kidding you." "Don't blow smoke in my face, I'd be ticked." "Well, let me tell you why I'm not." I then said (since he's not a believer to the best of my knowledge), "From where I sit, I think it's important that I actually live out what I believe. I thoroughly believe that God is sovereign and in control of all of this so there has to be a reason for this to occur. In other words, I believe there has to be something better for us (and that God is using this to direct us to it). And secondly, owning this piece of land and getting our County to agree to everything we've asked was never my goal, it was simply a desire. All I could own was my part in the process and I've worked the process to the best of my ability. I have no regrets. I can't control our County's planning board or any of our County Council members. But I've done everything I could do, so I'm at peace. Life's too short to live with anger. I like to go to bed at night and sleep well."
Do you see the difference? It's huge! Any time you sense anger welling up within you, I'd encourage you to ask, "Is this because I've made a desire a goal?" If you do that, I guarantee you that you will immediately cut out the vast majority of anger that exists in ministry. My guess is that, if I hadn't learned this lesson from Larry Crabb years ago, I would've joined Scott Williams and left the ministry a long time ago. I can't overstate the importance that this one lesson has had in my ministry. Life is just too short to live with anger.