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Get To or Have To?

Everyday, as Christian leaders, we're placed in a position where the amount of tasks facing us is always greater than the amount of time we have to accomplish them.  In addition, everyday, we're required (or asked or expected) to do things that we really don't want to do.  So, how do we respond to this?  Well, for most of us, we just resign ourselves to living with an incredible number of moments of resignation, "I guess I just have to do this."

Now, think about that phrase.  How do you feel saying it?  "I just have to ______."  Any way you say it, it's not very positive is it?  But before you resign yourself once more to having to do something you may not like doing, why don't you try this phrase on for size, "I get to do this."  Feels better doesn't it?  It's such a simple vocabulary change, but the effect is amazingly different. Watch this.

As a church leader, you don't have to put together another message, you get to put together another message.  You don't have to make another call to someone in your congregation, you get to make a call to someone in your congregation.  You don't have to write another report, you get to write another report.  You don't have to attend another meeting, you get to attend another meeting.  You don't have to study another theory, you get to study another theory.  You don't have to attend another conference, you get to attend another conference. 

Can you see and feel the difference?  It's amazing isn't it?  As ministers, we've been given an incredible gift—the gift of standing between two worlds.  We have this wonderful opportunity to spend our full-time vocational efforts in the spreading of the gospel.  Yet we're often not grateful because we get stuck in the "have to's".  So, if you'd like to experience more joy in the ministry and find a more grateful heart, you may want to make this simple vocabulary shift from "I have to" to "I get to."  You'll be amazed at the results!

Stop Doing List Part II

On Wednesday, I talked about "Creating a Stop Doing List" out of an audio recording by Jim Collins (if you haven't read that post, just scroll down below this post to read it).  Having read that, the natural question most people ask  is, "How do I do that?"  In other words, the idea that we need to stop doing a lot of what we're currently doing so that we can focus on those few things that matter most to us and our life, makes intuitive sense.  But how to define what activities I need to reduce or alleviate from my life—well that's often a whole different story.  So let me share with you a common practice i use to do that.

At least once a year (and frequently multiple times per year), I take out a sheet of paper and make a traffic light on the left hand side of the paper (you know, a long rectangular box with three circles inside it) about nine to ten inches long.  Inside each circle I write the color that corresponds to that circle on a traffic light (i.e., red, yellow and green).  Red represents those activities that take energy from me.  Yellow represents those activities that I'm neutral towards (neither take or restore energy, they just are).  And then green represents those activities that restore or replenish me.

So, after I write in the words, "Red, Yellow and Green", I then begin to write down all of the activities I'm currently engaged in and then fit them into the appropriate section.  For example, as an INTJ, being around lots of people is a red light activity for me.  Whereas times of solitude (like when I'm writing or reading) are green light activities (again, for me). Solving problems is green light, managing a process or program is red light.  Creating something new is green light, reading resumes is red light.  You get the idea.

Now, here's the benefit of doing this each year, because chances are, your "Stop Doing" list is probably found in your red light category.  At that point, you may say, "This year, I'm going to stop doing x, y, and z and to do that, I'm going to need to delegate x to Joe and y to Ally and then on z I'm going to need to pray and ask God to bring someone into my life  who can take over z."  In this way, year by year, you'll reduce the amount of red light living you have to encounter (because we all still have to encounter some red light activities in our lives) and increase the amount of green light living you get to do—and that will be a good thing for you and all of those around you!

However, that said, I do have a few more thoughts about this.  If you're ever feeling stressed or burned out, immediately do a traffic light analysis.  Chances are 60-80% of your time is focused on red light activities (not a great way to live). Once you make your list, reduce the red light activities.   Secondly, your traffic light analysis will probably flow out of your personality.  So, the more you know about your personality type, the easier it will be for you to determine what to keep doing and what to stop doing.  And finally, and this is the hardest thing of all to do, in order to focus on what you do best, you may have to stop doing some green light activities as well.  In other words, as I mentioned the other day, you cannot become great by doing more and more of what you are good or excellent at.  You attain your full God-given potential by focusing on what you do best—what you are exceptional or a genius at.  So, have you made your "Stop Doing" list yet?  If not, why don't you do a traffic light analysis today and use that to develop your "Stop Doing" list . . . NOW!

Creating a "Stop Doing" List

Do you ever get frustrated with feeling like there's too much to do and not enough time to do it?  Well, if you have,  Jim Collins just might have a possible prescription for you.  As i mentioned last week, Amazon had a number of their favorite authors record something as a "bonus" for their 10 year anniversary.  In the case of Collins, he chose to expand on an article he had written back on December 30, 2003.  Note: If you're an audio learner, click here for the Amazon audio or if you're a visual learner (like me), click here for the original article that the audio version was based on (and scroll down to December 30, 2003).

The basic storyline is that early on in his twenties, Jim took a course in creativity with Rochelle Myers at Standford.  Afterward he stayed in touch with her.  As a young, energetic and driven individual, Jim regularly planned out his life.  He had his fifteen year BHAGs, then his five year goals, and then his top three one year goals that he used to guide his daily life.  Yet in the midst of all that organized planning, Rochelle said to him, "Jim, I notice that you are a rather undisciplined person."  Obviously, that shocked Jim.  However, she continued,  "Your genetic energy level enables your lack of discipline.  Instead of leading a disciplined life, you lead a busy life."

She then challenged him to what Jim now calls the 20-10 assignment. "It goes like this: Suppose you woke up tomorrow and received two phone calls. The first phone call tells you that you have inherited $20 million, no strings attached. The second tells you that you have an incurable and terminal disease, and you have no more than 10 years to live. What would you do differently, and, in particular, what would you stop doing?"

That assignment was the turning point in Jim's life.  In fact, it's what led him to make a right corner turn in his life and leave HP and take a job as a teacher/professor/researcher (since he is, as he says, "constitutionally unemployable"—I love that phrase)—and we are all the better for that choice.  Since that time, the most important question Jim asks of himself each year is, "What do I need to stop doing?" 

I love that question.  It has a very Pauline ring to it, doesn't it?  For Paul regularly argues that for change to occur, you first need to "take off" the old and "put on" the new.  Or, to put it in more mathematical terminology, "You need to subtract, before you can add."  Anyway you put it, the question that Collins asks is a question all of us, as leaders, need to regularly ask, "What do I need to stop doing, that I'm currently doing, so that I can focus more of my time and energy on the things that matter most and will create the greatest impact over the course of my life and time?"

So how are you doing?  If you were to do an inventory of your time, what percentage of your day or time, would you say, is spent on doing those things that matter most?  That have the greatest impact?  That you're passionate about? That fit your genetic encoding?  If, according to Collins, you're spending less than 50% of your time in those areas, then your "Stop Doing" list, may be the most important list you could make this year—or today!  In fact, don't go to bed tonight without making one up.

Thank you!

I have been overwhelmed by the level of support that so many of you have given me over the past 24 hours since I explained why I haven't been posting over the last month and a half.  Within a short span of posting my apology, I was already receiving e-mails from around the country—and even from as far away as someone from New Zealand!!  It really has been a little overwhelming.  For an INTJ, who has, according to his wife, "the lowest level of relational need of anyone [she] knows," I have been humbled by this new "community" of bloggers and blog readers.  So, thank you for your kindness, your encouragement and your prayers.

When I started this little blog about leadership lessons for life-changing church leaders, I never anticipated the kind of response I've received.  Now, that I am transitioned out of my former church (and have a little bit more time on my hands), I'll try to do my best to deliver even better content than I have in the past.  I am still committed to you and am glad that i can now get back to the business of blogging!

P.S.  Yesterday I mentioned that I planned on attending Regent University's School of Leadership Studies to work on a Ph.D. in Organizational Leadership.  Well, today I can tell you that I am attending as I received my official acceptance at 3:45 p.m. this afternoon.  What a wild ride the past six weeks have been!!!

Apology

Dear fellow readers

I apologize for the long absence on my blog.  When my wife and I got back from our anniversary trip to Cancun at the end of May, we were greeted by a letter from our church's board, which along with other items, told me that I was to refrain from blogging for thirty days.  Over the next several weeks, our board and i wrestled with a number of issues—the end result being that I had to resign from our church (a church which I planted sixteen years ago).  Obviously, I've learned a lot through this process, but for the sake of those involved and for the health of our church I'll refrain from blogging on those lessons for some time.

As for me, in case you're curious, I'm planning on pursuing my Ph.D at Regent University in Organizational Leadership (so I have no intention of stopping my blog just because I'm no longer employed at Seneca Creek).  In fact, one of the reasons I want to pursue my Ph.D. in Organizational Leadership is because I firmly believe that the greatest hindrance to the advancement of the kingdom of God (apart from spiritual issues) is the lack of leadership capacity from those leading the church.  So, I now want to devote a significant amount of my time left on planet earth to the study of and the  development of the intellectual capital and resources necessary for the church to fulfill the great commission in this generation.

In addition, since I do have to pay the bills, I'll be pursuing motivational speaking, pulpit supply (10-12 maximum engagements per year), consulting, resource development and writing (both books and articles).  So, while I never would have planned on ending my sixteen years at Seneca Creek the I had to, I am excited about this next leg of the journey.  God has been so incredibly gracious throughout this whole process that I can only stand back and give Him praise and thanksgiving.

Note: If you'd like to read my resignation letter to my congregation, you can download a pdf version of it on the left hand side of my blog.

Finally, the other reason I don't want to give up blogging is because of you.  One of the greatest joys of this year for me has been the responses so many of you have shared with me concerning my blog.  However, because of the situation at my former church (and a few anonymous commentators), I have had to turn off comments on my blog.  So, from now on, if you want to make comments, just send me an e-mail.

Life's Too Short to be Angry

Let's be honest, ministry creates almost unlimited opportunities to be angry because we're in the people business.  Plus, as one pastor, Scott Williams, wrote as to why he left the ministry.

people assume ministers are available for their criticism 24/7. people say things to clergy they would not say to their worst enemies. for some reason they feel at liberty to delve into every aspect of clergy life. they have an opinion about everything we do. they believe it is their god-given right to critique your personal life, your professional life, your emotional state, the way you dress, your use of colloquialisms, your kids, your personality, how much you spend on a car, your friendships, how you drive, etc.

You can read the whole blog and responses at [link] It's worth a read!

Yet, despite all of the opportunities to be angry or frustrated, that is not the kind of life we're called to (nor the kind of life most of us what to live).  God, through His Word, was rather clear about this—that the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.  So, how do we avoid this tendency to become angry and bitter people?

Well, besides the obvious answers (like choosing forgiveness and walking in the power of the Holy Spirit and keeping short accounts—all of which should not be overlooked), one of the lessons I learned early on in the life of our church plant, that has helped me stay emotionally healthy over the years, has been Larry Crabb's distinctions between goals and desires. In a reductionistic way, he would say that the difference between a goal and a desire is that a goal can only be something over which we have complete control, everything else is simply a desire. Furthermore, he would say that the reason why we experience so much anger is because we keep making  desires goals—and whenever a goal gets blocked, we get angry.

For example.  People liking a message.  Goal or desire?  Desire.  Why?  Because you don't have complete control over people's responses.  Someone you're discipling following through on an assignment.  Goal or desire?  Desire.  Why?  Because you don't have complete control over your disciple's life.  Your church growing.  Goal or desire?  Desire.  Because you don't have complete control over the growth of your church.  People showing up on a Sunday?  Desire.  Money coming in?  Desire.  People not leaving the church?  Desire.  Being able to hire a staff person by a certain date?  Desire.  People appreciating all that you do?  Desire.  People trusting your motives?  Desire.  People signing up for an event or class you're sponsoring?  Desire.  People following through on their part of a ministry assignment?  Desire.  People not gossiping?  Desire.  People liking you?  Desire.  People following your leadership? Desire.

It's a pretty impressive list isn't it?  Ministry is fraught with opportunities for us to turn desires into goals (and with that, the propensity to be angry).  But, that's a terrible way to live.  The better way is to keep desires, desires (and hold them loosely in our hands).  While, at the same time, keeping our goals, goals.  What that means is that you and I should only hold tightly to what we can hold tightly to (that over which we have complete control).  So let me explain with a recent example.

Last week, we found out that the land contract (on 105 acres of land) that we've had for 18 months will not be extended by the owners.  Our county is in the middle of a debate about churches in rural zones and we got caught in the middle of a political debate.  We applied for a water and sewer category change 16 months ago and still don't have an answer yet (even though it is a no brain-er because our lines would be right next to the lines the County approved for a Catholic church not long before we applied).  So, we can't go to settlement (this April 28th) until we can get approval for what we want to do (or we might end up suffering a multi-million dollar loss).  With that background, you'll understand where I'm taking you.

Yesterday, I was talking with another community leader and when I told him about this situation (and clearly there are some County officials who have killed this deal for us), he said, "You must be outraged and angry."  To which I said, "Not really.  I'm doing quite fine."  He had that, you're not for real look and said, "Who are you kidding?"  "I'm not kidding you."  "Don't blow smoke in my face, I'd be ticked."  "Well, let me tell you why I'm not."  I then said (since he's not a believer to the best of my knowledge), "From where I sit, I think it's important that I actually live out what I believe.  I thoroughly believe that God is sovereign and in control of all of this so there has to be a reason for this to occur.  In other words, I believe there has to be something better for us (and that God is using this to direct us to it).  And secondly, owning this piece of land and getting our County to agree to everything we've asked was never my goal, it was simply a desire.  All I could own was my part in the process and I've worked the process to the best of my ability.  I have no regrets.  I can't control our County's planning board or any of our County Council members. But  I've done everything I could do, so I'm at peace.  Life's too short to live with anger. I like to go to bed at night and sleep well."

Do you see the difference?  It's huge!  Any time you sense anger welling up within you, I'd encourage you to ask, "Is this because I've made a desire a goal?"  If you do that, I guarantee you that you will immediately cut out the vast majority of anger that exists in ministry.  My guess is that, if I hadn't learned this lesson from Larry Crabb years ago, I would've joined Scott Williams and left the ministry a long time ago.  I can't overstate the importance that this one lesson has had in my ministry.  Life is just too short to live with anger.

Sometimes the Best Thing is to Accept the Worst

Earlier this morning I had the privilege of speaking to a group of Executive Administrative Officers at the National Institutes of Health.  During my presentation, I shared with them one of my favorite stories about one of my most important strategies for maintaining a positive attitude in even the worst of situations—something all church leaders face, especially if they want to be change agents.  I call this strategy, catastrophizing.

Back in the early days of Seneca Creek, I lost my voice twice during about a six month time frame.  As you can well guess, this is not a great career encouraging sign.  Being unable to talk for a week, twice in six months, tends to put fear in the heart of any preacher.  As that fear grew (the fear that I might be losing my voice for good and never able to preach again), I was almost immobilized.  Then one day, as I was turning on to a little road near our house, a God thought came, "Bruce, if you were never able to speak again, what then would you do?"  In that brief moment, I chose to accept the thought that I might never speak again—and immediately I began to think of a whole slew of things I could do without the ability to speak. In other words, by simply accepting the worst, I was set free. The way i like to put it is this.  As long as we allow fear to grip us, we're under it's control.  But when we embrace our fear, when we put our arms around it, then we're in control. Either fear controls us, or we control our fear.  Catastrophizing allows us to accept the worst, and then ask the question, "What then?".

So, for example, let's say you're a church planter and you're afraid that you might fail.  Accept it and then ask, "So if I fail, what do i have left?"  Do you have still have your health?  You family?  Your intelligence? Any new wisdom gained while planting this church? Any new people to restart another church with? Your relationship with God? Etc.  In other words, you still have an amazing amount more going for you, than against you—even if your church plant doesn't make it.  Fear is a dangerous thing.  It can grip us and control us.  It can immobilize us and destroy us.  It can cause us to not make decisions we need to make or to make decisions we ought not to make.  But most of all, fear is the opposite of faith.  Faith and fear are antithetical to one another.  They cannot coexist in the same space.  So, learning to come up with strategies that help us learn to avoid fear and embrace faith, is always a wise idea.

So what are you afraid of in ministry (or life)? Failing?  Someone leaving your ministry/church or life?  Conflict with someone?  The loss of a great opportunity?  Rejection by someone?  Being broke?  Being fired?  Whatever it is, why don't you accept it.  Then once you accept it, ask, "What now?"  "What do I have left?"  "What can I restart with?"  "What's my next step?"    If you try this, I think you'll agree that sometimes the wisest thing you can do is to accept the worst ... and then move on.  Remember, either fear controls us, or we control it.  The choice is ours!

Accountability - The Missing Key to Change

You want to change.  You're motivated to change.  You've created a plan for change.  You've even told others about your plan to change.  Yet, you're still not changing.  Why?  Usually, it's not because you haven't prayed about the change.  It's not because you're not reading your Bible.  It's not because you're not following God.  Usually, it's because you don't have someone in your life who is actually holding you accountable to the change.

Let me be honest here and share with you one of my struggles.  I have had a life-long struggle with weight.  It's not that I'm way overweight, just 10-15 lbs. overweight, but it is my struggle.  Since I stopped playing soccer and tennis in high school, I have not been able to shake the 10-15 pound problem (especially, because I love to eat).  So, year after year, I've gone to the gym just enough to not get any worse.  I've written 20 plans on getting into shape.  I've read more books and articles than I care to admit.  I've prayed about it and memorized scripture about it.  And I've had a gym membership for the past twelve years to a local club that's on my way home from work (incredibly convenient).  Yet, twelve years later, I'm still the same 10-15 pounds over what I should be.

Well, a few months ago, a friend of mine, John Philbin, voted one of the top 100 trainers in America, opened a new club, Philbin's Family Fitness and Athletic Training Center about fifteen minutes away from my house (not convenient).  Another friend, Tim Gearhart, who attends our church has been working with John on this project and has invited me to come down to the club several times.  However, in my mind, I just kept putting it off because I thought, "There's no way I will consistently go to a gym that's fifteen minutes away."  So I didn't.

Then a few weeks ago, as i was once again pondering my lack of change in this area, I thought, "What I really need is some accountability.  Who do i know who will stay in my face and make me work?"  Immediately, Tim came to mind.  So, the next Sunday I asked Tim if he would help me get into shape.  Tim, who is in phenomenal shape, said, "Of course."  So, this past Monday, I stopped putting off going to see Tim (you know, I better get in shape before I meet with him or I'll be embarrassed) and went to see him.  It was a cold rainy evening, the kind of evening I would normally put off working out—but I couldn't because I had a workout scheduled with him—and boy did he put me through the ringer.  Yet, despite all of the sore muscles, it felt great.  Not because of the workout, but because of the hope. 

In fact, I said to Tim and John, "You know, after twelve years of going to a gym that's convenient, I don't have much to show for it.  So I guess driving the extra fifteen minutes is worth it if I have you two making sure I actually make the changes I need to make."  And Tim is on my case.  Last night, I worked as hard as the first day of soccer practice in high school (and felt just as light headed).  Every time I would try to skimp by something, Tim was on my case.  It really didn't matter what I had done, Tim kept saying, "Come on, two more. You can do it" So push I did.  Harder than I have in decades.  Frequently, as sweat was pouring off of me, I would jokingly say, "You know, our friendship has ceased, don't you?" "Until finally, at one point, I said to Tim, as he was handing me another weight, "Tim, I'm really not kidding.  I can't stand up unless you have a waste basket nearby." Yet, I'll be back for more because I know, on my own, I won't do what I know I need to do.  Driving the extra fifteen minutes is absolutely worth it because apart from accountability, I'll remain the same.  I just know me.

And you know you (and your employees or church members).  Without some system of accountability, most people won't change.  You (and they) can write plans all day long.  But if someone isn't involved in holding you (or them) accountable, it probably won't happen.  The old adage, "It's not what's expected, but what's inspected, that gets done," still holds true.  So, how are you building accountability into your life?  Your church's life?  Your employee's lives? Your church member's lives?  Because if there is no accountability, there probably won't be any change.  There may be effort, but there won't be significant change. 

What's Your Resolve?

As we begin this new year, what's your normal procedure?  Are you a resolution person or a non-resolution person?  As I chat with leaders, it seems like the older they get, the less they're likely to set new resolutions.  Why?  I think it's because of Romans 7 (they've tried in the past and have been unsuccessful, so why keep on trying?). However, as life-changing leaders, part of our job is to set the example to our people of a life that is constantly changing.  In other words, if we're asking them to change, we ought to be changing ourselves.  So, what's your resolve?

Well, as for me, I'm a classic goal setter so I almost always take the day of New Year's Eve to set my goals for the coming year.  And because I'm a holistic person (Luke 2:52), I like to be holistic in my goals for the coming year (spiritually, physically, relationally (includes my family goals), intellectually, emotionally, professionally, artistically, financially and communally (how I'll serve my local community).

But, rather than bore you with a long list of my resolutions, let me share just one with you.  The other day, I was talking with my new Executive Pastor when he was sharing that his life goal is to live out the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22,23), which I wholeheartedly support.  However, the next day in the shower I was thinking, "You know, my life is so busy, that keeping track of eight markers each day might be a non-starter."  So my next thought was, "So, is there a shorter list?" Hey, at least I'm honest. And immediately, my mind went to Rom 14:17,

"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit."

So, as I went out for a walk yesterday to talk with God, I felt impressed to make that my top resolution for this year—that 2005 would be the year that I made sure that I pursued righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit every day.  Now, that might seem simple, but it's clearly not.  With as much sexuality as there is in our culture, am I willing to turn my eyes and not gaze at a magazine cover in the checkout line of the grocery store?  Am I willing to say "No" to a movie I want to see because it wouldn't meet the righteousness standard?  You see, it gets pretty difficult, pretty quickly, doesn't it?  And, as stressful as most of our lives are, am I willing to let my heart be ruled by peace and not adrenaline (which I know I'm addicted to)? Or when it comes to joy, am I willing to not be so critical of everyone and everything that I can just enjoy life and the people in my life?  Those are tough questions.

Now, I don't know about you, but that's one of the reasons why I love making resolutions.  They force me to look at where I am and where I want to be and make the changes necessary to connect the two. So, as you begin this new year, what's your resolve?  Remember, your people are watching.

One Minute for Yourself

Recently, I had to do a seminar for the National Institutes of Health and the last thing they wanted me to do was to introduce the book they were going to be reading this next quarter together. The book was entitled, "One Minute for Yourself" and it was written by Spencer Johnson (of The One Minute Manager and Who Moved My Cheese fame). Since I had only a short span of time to read the book, I plowed through it—only to realize the humor and hypocrisy of me talking about this subject. Because, as most of you know, leading a life changing church doesn't allow for a lot of time for one's self. In fact, I often think to myself as I'm working late into the evening, "I really do need to get a life".

However, the argument is irrefutable. If we don't take care of us, we're of no good to others. Spencer doesn't highlight this, but Jesus clearly says that the Great Commandment is to "love your neighbor as yourself." If we don't take care of loving us, we can never fully love others. So, I'm try to do a better job of that these days. It doesn't have to be a big thing, it can just be a few minutes of doing something that restores you (or something that you've been putting off because you have to work "all the time"). If we're going to continue to lead fast growing life changing churches then we can't afford to not take a minute (or two) for ourselves. Remember, healthy people reproduce healthy people.